There’s nothing quite like that feeling that you’ve found your soulmate, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Conversation is great, the sex is great, and you seem to have everything in common with them. You know in your bones that you’ve found the one. But according to an article published in The Daily Mail, the search for a soulmate and the belief that they even exist may be ruining your chances of having a fulfilling and happy sex life.
The article detailed a recent scientific study which revealed that people who believed in “sexual destiny” were more likely to be unhappy in the bedroom and end their relationships than people who believed in “sexual growth.” Meaning, people who believe in soulmates think that chemistry in the bedroom either exists or it doesn’t and ultimately are unwilling to put work in to reach mutual satisfaction.
On the other hand, couples that believed in “sexual growth”—sexual satisfaction that takes time and effort from both ends—ultimately felt a closer connection in the bedroom and even a more satisfying overall relationship.
The study included over 1,900 people, all at different relationship stages. The team of scientists was able to group couples in one of the two categories based on their responses, and according to the article, found that the “sexual destiny” couples “viewed sexual performance as playing a key role in determining the success of a relationship—which may have added pressure during sexual encounters and affecting performance.”
But what if you’re truly happy in the bedroom as is, with minimal effort? What if you really have found your “soulmate”? The article cited Jessica Maxwell, a PhD candidate in the department of psychology at the University of Toronto, who pointed out that the study found that most couples, regardless of their beliefs, experienced a “honeymoon phase” of about two to three years. The sexual satisfaction of both groups were high during this time. After that, the contrasts between the two categories became more pronounced.
“We know that disagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat inevitable over time,” said Maxwell, “[but] your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it.”
But just because you believe in “sexual destiny” now doesn’t mean your belief can’t change. Just know that this belief, according to this study, will more than likely lead to an unhappier sex life and an overall unhappier relationship. Ultimately, the key to a happy sex life is accepting that bedroom bliss is a lifetime of work, time, and effort from both sides.