Why do men have so many deep, dark sexual fantasies? Because we’re terrible at turning them into reality.
Here’s what you need to know: She’d probably be up for it, if you simply asked. After all, our poll of 10,000 people revealed that men and women have the same top-five sexual fantasies.
Here you’ll learn what she wants, why she wants it, and how to make it happen—for both of you.
Stimulating Herself as You Watch
80% want to touch themselves while you watch (and learn).
The turn-on: “It’s the best way to show you how she likes it,” says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sex therapist and founder of MyPleasure.com. “The fact that she’s turning you on while making herself orgasm makes her feel incredibly sexy and compounds her pleasure.”
Make it happen: During foreplay, take her hand and put it under yours. Then gently move your hand and hers toward her clitoris. Remove your hand and encourage her to continue touching herself while you lavish attention on the rest of her body. Then ease away and enjoy the show. Want to help and still watch? Service yourself at the same time, says Gardos. It’s one of the biggest visual turn-ons for women.
Allowing You to Dominate
66% want you to cuff them.
74% want to be spanked during sex.
63% want you to pull their hair during sex.
The turn-on: Society encourages a woman to see herself as an object of desire; being restrained, submissive, and spanked allows her to act that out, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. Bonus: A sharp spank on her bum can stimulate the nerve endings in her vagina.
Make it happen: During a playful makeout session, gently grab her wrists and pin them down above her head, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Passion Power. Use your free hand to explore her body. Next, tie her wrists together with a rope of paper towels (knowing the bonds are breakable is reassuring for first-timers). “When that grows tame, use a necktie, and progress to handcuffs and whatever else you dream up,” Cadell says.
Having Sex in Public
51% want to join the mile-high club with you.
64% want to have sex with you in a public place.
43% want to have a secret sexual encounter in your office.
The turn-on: Public sex makes a woman self-aware of the highly erotic energy she has, says Queen. “The fear of being caught really heightens your senses, allowing you to focus on the sexual experience.”
Make it happen: Risk it in the safety of your bedroom. Replace dirty talk with some voyeuristic scene setting (a high-rise hotel room, say, or a glass-walled penthouse), and then tell her you know she likes to be watched and that you’ve left the drapes open, says Gardos. Soon she’ll be ready for a public place.
Making a Homemade Porn Flick
40% are ready to make a sex DVD with you.
72% want to watch porn with you.
The turn-on: Think women can’t be turned on visually? A Stanford University study found that women reach peak arousal just 2 minutes into an erotic flick. In fact, she’s no porn neophyte: Of the women polled, 40 percent admitted to watching porn or visiting porn Web sites when they’re home alone.
Make it happen: Don’t start with hardcore titles, says Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D., author of The Anatomy of Pleasure. Start with a tasteful but highly erotic film, such as Lust, Caution. Next time, suggest a visit to the adult-video store together or skip the late-night news and scan some porn sites.
Inviting a Third Party to Bed
25% want a threesome with you and another woman.
81% want you to use sex toys on them.
47% want to visit a strip club with you.
The turn-on: The reasons are simple, says Gardos. She wants to fulfill your fantasy and, more important, “The more stimuli, the better the orgasm.” According to an Australian study, a chorus of oral, manual, and genital intercourse increases her chances of a mind-blowing orgasm by 89 percent.
Make it happen: First, use sex toys to create a threesome fantasy. Explore it further: Visit a strip club together. If you both love watching each other enjoying lap dances, then it’s time to discuss taking it to the next level. “But voice any misgivings—at any time,” warns Cadell. “Otherwise, a few hours of sharing each other can ruin a lifelong relationship.”