Your girlfriend is lucky: As a woman, she’s practically built to have multiple orgasms in a single session. You, however, have a pesky refractory period to deal with—which lasts 30 minutes or more on average, says Jonathan Stegall, M.D., founder and president of the Center for Advanced Medicine in Atlanta.
It’s virtually impossible for men to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms with no refractory period, Stegall says. But not all male orgasms are ejaculatory in nature, just as not all female orgasms are g-spot orgasms. You can get closer to multiple rounds of happiness yourself—as long as you follow these three rules.
Check your T-levels
The key to harder erections, shorter refractory periods, and better orgasms? Optimal testosterone levels. “Low T is often thought of as an older man’s problem, but I see it in a significant portion of men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s,” says Stegall. Even if your sex drive isn’t particularly low, once you’re around 30 years old Stegall says it’s a good idea to get your T-levels checked with a blood test by a doctor who specializes in anti-aging medicine and hormone replacement therapy. (So you know, normal testosterone levels are between 300 and 1,000 nanograms per deciliter of blood.)
Signs of low T include fatigue, decreased libido, fat gain, difficulty gaining muscle, mental fogginess, and depression. “If a lot of guys in their 20s and 30s are honest with themselves, they’re probably dealing with at least some of these issues,” says Stegall. If your testosterone levels are less than optimal, you can up them naturally by eating a diet that’s high in proteins and fats—the right kinds—by getting at least eight hours of sleep, and by lifting weights three to six times per week. You can also try these 5 easy ways to improve your manpower.
Strengthen your PC muscles
“While some men experience multiple orgasms accidentally, others can learn to invite such a reaction,” says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D. You can do this by trying your own set of Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and your ability to control your orgasmic and ejaculatory responses in the heat of the moment, she says. Your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which stretches from your pubic bone to your tailbone, is what controls your ejaculation. If you can keep yourself from ejaculating after an orgasm, you’ll be more likely to skip the refractory period and orgasm again—and again, and again.
To perform Kegel exercises, you want to contract the PC muscle as you would when you control your flow of urine as you’re peeing. You can practice Kegels anywhere—like contracting the muscle for 10 seconds while sitting in your car or at your office desk.
Try a different position
Even if you happen to be one of the lucky guys who can delay his gratification, it’ll still take some practice for you to get to this point. Meanwhile, you can help control your ejaculation and erection by switching up positions. “Try having sex in a chair, where she’s in the chair and you’re on top of her, but still able to stand up and pull out before you ejaculate,” suggests sex therapist Jane Greer. “That way, you can tighten your muscles right before the point of ejaculation so you can experience orgasm without ejaculation.”
If you think non-ejaculatory orgasms will feel different from regular orgasms, you’re right—so remember to lower your expectations just a little. “You can’t expect for each small orgasm to feel like your usual orgasms,” Stegall explains. “They’ll be less in intensity, but for some men, having several small orgasms is actually preferable to having one big one.” (And if you just want a bigger payoff in general, click here for 8 Tricks to Make Your Orgasms Even Better.)