The Adult Film Star’s Guide to How to Do a Striptease (Sans Cheese)

We’ve seen guys do it in mainstream movies like “Magic Mike” and adult movies (like “Magic Mike XXXL: A Hardcore Parody”) and we’ve also seen it just about everywhere—stripping your clothes off for your lover is a thing. You may not have the training of a burlesque dancer or know how to work the pole, but reading this will give you a few tips about how to do it without looking like Cameron Diaz in “Charlie’s Angels.”

Pick a Song That Works for You

You want music you’re comfortable with—something that speaks to you and has good rhythm (but not too fast, or you’ll be looking like a Zumba class). Think slow and sensual—but it can be nearly any genre. Also, make sure the lyrics convey the right message. Yes, The Weeknd‘s “Wicked Games” sounds sexy, but the first few lyrics could be the opposite of what you want.

You can strip out of anything, really, but lingerie or a costume can really get your partner going. There are two important questions to ask yourself here: “Do I feel sexy in this?” and, “Can I take this off easily?” Nothing ruins a good striptease like getting your head stuck in a bodysuit with your arms trapped overhead.

Set the Mood

Pick a clean spot—a couch or recliner is best. A hard chair is fine, but remember, this may lead to sex, and you’ll want the most comfortable spot. Consider low lights or candlelight: not only is it sexy; but for most people, it’s easier to undress in the dark. Also eliminate distractions by locking doors, turning off phones, etc.

You don’t have to do choreographed dance moves (in fact, it’s often better when it’s more organic and less forced). You don’t have to move on every beat either. Walk slowly towards your partner from across the room. Make eye contact. When you start taking things off, do it slowly and deliberately. Have them help you with a clasp or a zipper to get them into it (and also so you’re not fumbling in the dark). Keep in mind, you don’t have to take it all off. Strippers and adult performers most always leave shoes on.

If you run out of ways to sway your hips and run your hands up and down your body, bend over slowly and then raise back up. Or raise your arms over your head and arch your back. You can also kneel in front of them, face to face. Take their hands and either prevent them from touching you or place them right on you. Floor work could be an advanced thing, but crawling (sexy cat-like crawling) can be awesome, too.

Be Real

You’re providing a fantasy, but stay in the moment. Be you. The more you’re into this, the more they will be too. If you haven’t already, practice this in front of a mirror… and if you’re bold, take a video. You can have this for your own use, or send it to your partner as a preview of what’s to come.

The Final Word on Whether or Not You Should be Best Friends With Your S.O.

I Feel like I’ve read dozens of articles with a headline like, “7 Signs Your S.O is Also Your Best Friend.” I always do the same thing: read them, check off the boxes, and click away feeling satisfied with my stable, secure relationship.

Aside from listening to what magazines tell me I should do in relationships—don’t judge me, you do it, too!—my parents preached to me about looking for a partner who could also be my best friend. And when they speak on love, I listen, because it’s been 25 years, and my dad still calls my mom his best friend. (Cue the awws.)

But recently, there’s been a strange amount of pushback about whether or not it’s actually wise to think of your boo as your bestie. People are ranting about the conflation of the two terms in articles and blog posts, which leaves us wondering: Should we be BFFs with our S.O. or is that role better filled by a platonic friend? 

With all the different opinions flying around, in our opinion, it’s best to hear from doctors and scientists on whether the terms BFF and S.O can be together forever or have to tragically split like Justin and Selena. Four doctors and researchers recently talked to The New York Times about this subject, offering a variety of takes on the matter, which means you can pick and choose which advice best fits your relationship.

It May Boost Happiness

If you want your partner as a best friend, you’ll probably relate to what John Helliwell, a professor at the Vancouver School of Economics and the editor of the World Happiness Report, discusses in a study he led.

The study asked 30,000 people to quantify their life satisfaction. It turned out that when couples who were asked separately who their best friend was, those who named their spouse were twice as likely to have higher life satisfaction. That’s a real happiness correlation with having your partner as your best friend.

Still, this clearly doesn’t mean the only way to be happy is to have your partner as your best friend, because, as Helliwell adds, it’s like having a bonus to the existing relationship. Although the data sounds sublime, other doctors aren’t convinced, and call on other research to defend their anti-BFF relationship arguments.

Happy Anniversary. 💕

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Michelle Obama has called President Obama her best friend.

It’s a Way of Affirming Your Relationship

The relationship train is something humans have been riding for a long time, which means people got pretty good at understanding what constitutes a successful S.O. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University, says the only reason we’re even using the term “best friend” as it relates to our partner is because everyone else’s relationships are, unfortunately, not successful.

In other words, a partner is supposed to be consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable—or ‘CARRP,’ as Levine calls it. The term “partner” is supposed to include these five facets, but not everyone does, which means we’ve resorted to calling our successful partners our “best friend,” too, because we want to affirm them, and the world, that we’re in a beneficial relationship.

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have called each other “best buddy.”

…But it Can Also Hurt Your Relationship

Doctors Peter Pearson and Ellyn Bader are the married founders of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA. They’re vehemently opposed to calling your S.O. your BFF because they believe the words mean two completely different things.

Dr. Pearson describes what a best friend is: “One of the criteria for a best friend is you feel unconditionally accepted,” he said. “Do I care if my buddy Mark is messy in the kitchen, leaves his bathroom a shambles and doesn’t pay his income taxes?” But when it comes to a relationship, these things have to be addressed, and if they aren’t, it can lead to major tension and conflict avoidance, says Dr. Bader.

The purpose of a relationship is to evolve, says Dr. Bader, who dispels the myth that we can never change our partners. Instead, we need to “push each other, challenge each other, encourage each other and, yes, change each other.” These qualities might be present in a friendship, but they work very differently romantically, and provide more leeway to address and incite change directly.

Well, the science is in, and I, personally, agree with Dr. Bader and Pearson—friendships and relationships are just two totally different things. That doesn’t mean you can’t confide, complain, and goof off with your S.O. like you would your BFF—it just means that you value and treat them differently. And if you don’t like that, keep calling your S.O. your best friend because frankly, if it’s making you and your partner happier, why not? It’s all really semantics, anyway.