We’re big fans of the penis, but we’ll admit that it’s not the perfect sex tool. It’s too unpredictable and clumsy to use on many parts of a woman’s body. Hands, however, have no such limitations. Take ten minutes to read this article and you’ll learn exactly how to use yours to the best possible effect…
…all over her body
The classic naked massage that turns into rampant sex is terrific — but hardly unpredictable. Forget the techniques you learned from your sports trainer and ignore those articles in women’s magazines about sensuous five-hour massages. Instead gently work her shoulders with your fingertips while she’s giving you oral sex. Or try massaging her scalp. This has the added advantage of relaxing her so she can become more easily aroused.
…on her hips
Of all the places you can park your hands during intercourse, this is one of the best: If she’s on top, use your hands to help guide her as she thrusts. It’s like power steering — she’s still in control but doesn’t have to work as hard.
If you’re on top, reach under her and use your hands to grasp her hips and lift her pelvis toward you. Your thrusts will be deeper. “It also helps her feel as if the two of you are working together, instead of you just doing your thing on top of her,” says psychologist Mark Elliott.
…on her feet
They’re so packed with nerve endings that some women claim that they can reach orgasm just by having their feet rubbed (which is probably why women are so fond of playing footsie with table legs). The key to a foot massage that doesn’t tickle: a firm touch. “You should press in and stroke hard enough to give her pleasure — but not hard enough to cause pain, or light enough to tickle,” says Robert Schwartz, author of The One-Hour Orgasm.
1. Gently knead the bottom of her foot from ankle to toe, using your entire hand.
2. Now focus on each toe separately, tugging and massaging as you go. Pay special attention to the middle toe, which some researchers believe has a direct nerve connection to the genitals.
3. Finish with deep, relaxing strokes in the arch.
4. Some women find the idea of having a man paint their toenails a turn-on, probably because of the powerplay element, but don’t even attempt this if you haven’t held a paintbrush since 1975.
…on your penis
There is one way to make your member do things it can’t do on its own: give it a helping hand. “Many women find it very erotic to be teased at the opening of the vagina,” says Elliott. Grasp the base of your penis with your hand and gently make circles around the clitoris, or run the underside of the shaft along her inner lips. Pretend, but don’t penetrate. Pull out before you’re halfway in. You can also use your hands to slap your penis against various parts of her body — her mouth, armpits, back and nipples.
…on her face
She’ll love it when you touch her here, as long as you’re not mauling her as if you’re rearranging the features on Mr. Potato Head. “Men tend to touch women with more pressure than they like,” says psychologist and sex therapist Linda De Villers. Use a light touch, and follow these steps:
- Caress her cheeks, ears and temples with the pads of your fingers, using gentle upward and outward strokes.
- Using circular motions, gently massage the centre of her forehead and the bridge of her nose with your thumbs.
- Use your fingertips to trace around her lips. Gently part them and insert the tip of your finger inside her mouth, letting her lick, nibble and suck. Remind you of anything else? Maybe it’ll remind her too.
- Finish by raking your hands gently upward on both sides of her face. Then run your fingers up through her hair and down the sides, finishing at the back of her neck.
Go to the next page for more of her full-body manual…
…up and down her spine
Think of her back as one long erogenous zone. Trace it with your fingertips from the nape of her neck to the crease of her buttocks, lingering at any spot that produces a moan. For a sexual masterclass, re-trace the path of your fingers with the tip of your penis. Tricky, yes, but you’ll score maximum points for technical merit.
…on her breasts
Men treat breasts as if they were dartboards — always aiming for the bull’s-eye at the center. That’s fine, but don’t forget you can score high points elsewhere on the board. “Use your whole hand, and focus on the entire breast,” says De Villers. Cupping and cuddling is especially good. So is lifting, but you never want to push a woman’s breasts downward as this can be painful.
Work on giving her cleavage, too, since women like to think of themselves as having lots of it. “It can be a turn-on for her just to look down and think: ‘Mmm, that’s sexy’,” says De Villers. Even light bouncing is okay, especially during the heat of the moment. The key word here, though, is light. Breasts might be rounded and fit nicely in your hands but they’re not stress balls.
…on her butt
“Many women expect you to grab their buttocks during sex,” says De Villers. “And they expect you to do it firmly.” One thing to keep in mind: strokes that lift and bring the cheeks apart are better than those that depress or bring the cheeks together.
“It creates more surface area,” says De Villers. Your hands can also be used to gently slap her buttocks. Not all women enjoy being spanked but there are many who do. If spanking becomes a regular part of your sex-play, try smothering cold cream over the area you’ve just made pink: it’ll provide an interesting contrast of sensations for her and will also soothe the tingling.
…on her genitals
When a woman masturbates, she usually rests her wrist on her lower abdomen. But when you stimulate her genitals for her you’re forced to contort your arm and hand to achieve the right position. Next time, try sitting underneath her, with her back against your front. Reach your hand around and rest your wrist just above her pubic bone.
But don’t make the mistake most men make: relying on just one finger. “You need to use at least two, and preferably three or four,” says De Villers. “And they should function in unison, like a paintbrush.” Keep the heel of your palm planted on the hair-covered mound known as her mons pubis, then curl your fingers to use gentle back-and-forth and circular motions between her lips and over her clitoris. Start slowly — incorporating short pauses to keep her guessing — then increase your speed as her arousal builds. Use your other hand to play with her nipples, or, if you prefer, yourself.
..on her perineum
This is the little spot of flesh just below the opening of her vagina. There are a lot of nerve-endings in the perineum that respond well to light pressure or gentle stroking. If you can reach it, this is an area that’s great to stimulate during thrusting. Use one or two fingers to apply about the same amount of pressure you’d use to push a button in an elevator. Be careful. The perineum is close to another opening — one that should never be entered without an invitation.
…in her genitals
What’s the one advantage your thinner, shorter fingers have over the organ that was designed specifically to fill a vagina? Unlike your erect penis, they bend and swivel. “That allows fingers to focus on a particular spot in the vagina in ways that your penis can’t,” says De Villers. Use your knuckles. A come-hither motion along the front wall of the vagina — about an inch in — is the best.
But don’t focus all your energy in one place. “It’s the ring around the lower third of the vagina that has the most nerve-endings, and it’s possible she has sensitive spots on any wall,” says De Villers. Circular motions are a refreshing change of pace, since your penis can really only move in a straight line. Using your fingers to stimulate her can be tricky, not least because she’ll always know how to do it better than you. If in doubt, don’t ask her how to do it — get her to show you.